Bad Manners and Brimstone

I never heard of the rule that the MOB picks first. What's the reasoning? Doesn't seem fair to me. Seems like it's going along with the silly idea that the wedding is "the bride's day."

if Catholic MOGs really wear blue, does anyone know why? Given that blue is the colour of the Virgin Mary, it seems on the face of it thoroughly inappropriate!

So no one can wear blue in a religious setting?  I see it as a sign of respect for her.

Titanica, that is funny. I've never heard the blue/pink idea for MOB/MOG attire.

I've just been thinking that all of the "rules" didn't exist before 1960's when color photography became mainstream.

And when money was tighter!

My mum and dad's wedding photos show both sets of (my) grandparents in "church best" - best Sunday clothing, best Sunday hats [for the ladies].  I think other than my aunt who was a matron of honour, all the guests looked "Sunday best".  That was early 1960's and two families without a lot of spare money, and the 'reception' was tea and sandwiches at my maternal grandparents' house, before my parents left in the early afternoon to go on their honeymoon.

I never heard of the rule that the MOB picks first. What's the reasoning? Doesn't seem fair to me. Seems like it's going along with the silly idea that the wedding is "the bride's day."

I think the idea that the wedding was more bride's focused is more of a left over custom than "silly". Up till about 20 -30 years ago, 90% of grooms just didn't take much interest in the wedding planning. If you asked a groom 4 months before the wedding party what the colors were, he* might be able to tell you blue but don't expect him to know if it was royal, light, aqua or some other variation. Most of the planning was done by the bride and usually the bride's mother. These are the days before the internet and Pintrest boards and wedding websites. Selections were made by going to the florist to look at their hard copy book of potential  arrangements, dresses were picked in store or out of a hard copy catalog, and food selected by going to the event center or the bakery. Sharing of the wedding details weren't so easy to share or even thought of interest by anyone other than the bride, her wedding party, and her parents.

Also, back then the bride's mother and father were normally the host of the wedding and therefore were also establishing the style and formality of the event...or at least the mom had a better idea of what the bride's vision was. So it was a sensible solution to have the MOB pick her dress and then helpfully share that information with the MOG so that the MOB could choose something equally appropriate. Not sharing those details with the MOG would have been seen as what we would consider today as a "micro-aggression" and potentially setting up the MOG to look out of place.


*It was thought unusual that my husband had so much interest in helping to plan our wedding but I don't think he attended any conversation with the florist or knew what the bridesmaid dresses looked like till they walked down the aisle even though there was a bolt of fabric in our living week for about 2 weeks until I got it to the seamstress.

^ Yes, I understand weddings are more bride focused and brides do most of the planning. However, the MOG is still watching her son (maybe only son) get married and shouldn't have to fade into the background or wait until the MOB picks her dress. The hosts informing the groom's family of the level of formality should be enough.

Beige? Bah I say!

No one is saying that she should fade into the background. Your question was around why the MOB picks first. Providing an example of what she planned to wear was seen as helpful to the MOG, not trying to put her as a lesser position. I'm sure there were MOG's who chose to view what was supposed to be a helpful and kind gesture as downplaying their position. 

But back in the days when the bride's family was mostly paying for the wedding, no the MOG did not get an equal say in the planning. So trying to advice was overstepping. They were an honored guest at the event, but still a guest just like the grandmothers and grandfathers.

Just to be clear, I'm pretty sure that my MIL's "MOB wears pink, MOG wears blue unless MOB wears blue, then MOG wears pink" is or ever was any kind of actual rule or custom or tradition, and I have no idea where she got it from.  She may have seen it done that way somewhere and assumed it was the rule.  I had never heard of it before or since.

As I said, the "rule" at the time was just that the mothers should complement the bridal party.  My mother did so, as it happened, and my MIL did not - but I really didn't care.  Her dress was lovely, she thought she was following the "rule," so as far as I was concerned, it was a win. 

I only wish that her dress not matching was the worst thing that happened that day. 

Quote from: Hmmm on September 30, 2019, 12:27:38 pm

Titanica, that is funny. I've never heard the blue/pink idea for MOB/MOG attire.

I've just been thinking that all of the "rules" didn't exist before 1960's when color photography became mainstream.

And when money was tighter!

My mum and dad's wedding photos show both sets of (my) grandparents in "church best" - best Sunday clothing, best Sunday hats [for the ladies].  I think other than my aunt who was a matron of honour, all the guests looked "Sunday best".  That was early 1960's and two families without a lot of spare money, and the 'reception' was tea and sandwiches at my maternal grandparents' house, before my parents left in the early afternoon to go on their honeymoon.

My grandmother wore her expensive wedding dress for years after. She had apparently scandalized the family by spending so much money on it. But part of why she did is that it became her go-to dress for teachers' wives luncheons, attending other people's weddings (even though her dress was white; it apparently wasn't a big deal), etc.