Bad Manners and Brimstone

If you wanted to let people know that you were getting married, but you didn’t want to invite them to the wedding, how would you do this? When I look up wedding announcements, all I find are invitations. And I wouldn’t know how to word something like this. Or would you wait till after the wedding and send them a wedding favor?

Any suggestions?

If I received a wedding announcement prior to the wedding, I may think that it was a save the date or even an invitation. It might cause an awkward situation when you have to explain to someone that actually they are not invited. I think I would wait until afterwards for any sort of formal announcement.

Toots is exactly right (and she knows this stuff!).  After the wedding.

Wedding announcements are so rare now, at least in my world -- I can't remember the last time I've gotten one, if ever.  Before social media (and even the telephone), other than an item in the local newspaper, announcements were the only way of letting people know about the marriage.  But today, we have so many social media platforms that word gets around to the community generally and eventually to those who don't use social media.  So the purpose of announcements isn't as important, and, to the point here, not as obvious.

Because they are so rare, I fear that there is a very great risk that they would feel almost like, "We had a wedding, and you didn't make the cut."  For that reason, definitely do not send people party favors; think of the effect of sending people souvenirs of any party they weren't invited to (can you imagine doing that after a child's birthday party?).  I do think too that you run a significant risk of some people feeling like the announcement is a hint for a gift.

I would skip announcements and let people who won't find out naturally know some other way.  If you are moving or changing your names, that's ideal, because the new address and/or name is your excuse for the communication.  You could write emails or send out "new address" cards that also mention that you got married.  You could even mention it in Christmas cards if you send them or any other correspondence you're doing anyway.

Thanks, everyone! I moved back to my home state this summer, with my partner. We will be getting married next month. All of my friends and coworkers from the last 13 years are back in VA and wouldn’t be able to make it. I was just hoping there was a way to let them all know. Thanks for the advice anyway!

Thanks, everyone! I moved back to my home state this summer, with my partner. We will be getting married next month. All of my friends and coworkers from the last 13 years are back in VA and wouldn’t be able to make it. I was just hoping there was a way to let them all know. Thanks for the advice anyway!

I think for this case, I would definitely send a wedding announcement to those folks. I agree with sending it after. And you can make it as formal or as casual as you want.

SioCat and Partner are happy to announce
We tied the knot!
Saturday, September 26, 2020
in a private ceremony in Petaluma, California

I also agree with not sending a favor. Just a simple card will do.

Or, if there aren't too many, a personal handwritten note, as Toots suggested. Those are becoming so rare these days, it would be a really nice touch.

555-867-5309

I see what you did there.

Thanks, everyone! I moved back to my home state this summer, with my partner. We will be getting married next month. All of my friends and coworkers from the last 13 years are back in VA and wouldn’t be able to make it. I was just hoping there was a way to let them all know. Thanks for the advice anyway!

Is there a reason why you want it to go out before the ceremony versus after? I'm sure they will be just as thrilled for you if they learn of the wedding a week or too after as they would the day of.

If the idea of knowing they are thinking of you on your special day is important, reach out personally to a friend or co-worker to share the news and they can pass along to others. Then follow up with the traditional announcement.

Quote from: SioCat on September 23, 2020, 10:48:19 pm

Thanks, everyone! I moved back to my home state this summer, with my partner. We will be getting married next month. All of my friends and coworkers from the last 13 years are back in VA and wouldn’t be able to make it. I was just hoping there was a way to let them all know. Thanks for the advice anyway!

Is there a reason why you want it to go out before the ceremony versus after? I'm sure they will be just as thrilled for you if they learn of the wedding a week or too after as they would the day of.

If the idea of knowing they are thinking of you on your special day is important, reach out personally to a friend or co-worker to share the news and they can pass along to others. Then follow up with the traditional announcement.

Would you invite them, if they COULD come? Consider sending an invitation anyway.
Though, COVID....

If there were no COVID, I would say invite them anyway--so THEY can decide whether the trip is too much.

If your numbers are small because of the pandemic, then maybe consider inviting them to a Facebook Live event; those are easy to set up.

I'm trying to think how I'd react if a friend of mine who'd moved away sent me a mass-mailing with wording like this:
"SioCat and Mr.SioCat are getting married on X day at X time in X place. Due to the times, the size of the gathering must be limited, but they hope you will think of them on that day."

I think I'd be OK with that. I mean, you're my friend, right? And I'd know that you had thought about inviting me, and probably would have, except for the health risk. And I'd definitely like being told ahead of time.
   True, a mass mailing might feel a little impersonal, but wedding invitations and announcements are printed as well. You can remove a lot of that impersonality by writing a sentence or two at the bottom specific to them. That's informal, but what the hell!

Don't include registry information. If they want that info, they'll ask.

Do include any Facebook Live or other info.

I'm sitting here debating about including website info; if you plan to put some pictures up later, I think you could add a line that says, "Pictures will be posted at SioCatAndMr.com shortly after the event."
 

We had a tiny wedding in 1966 because hate to be the center of attention and the distance traveled was prohibitive for most of our huge families. I hand wrote the invitations. My mom sent out announcements about a week after the wedding. They looked like a formal invitation, but only one person was confused. Mom just edited the invitation format to  be an announcement. The printer was happy to oblige.

So I agree with Toots.

I forgot to say we received quite a few gifts.