Bad Manners and Brimstone

New thought that I'd like your perspective on . . .

Talking to DD#2 about the invitations, she said we should say something like "In lieu of cards, please bring your favorite childhood book. Write a comment on the book and sign your name."

I told her that it sounded a bit gift-grabby.

She said "No, Mom. It Is A Thing. Lots of people are doing it these days." I guess, as the child grows, the books can be read to them and parents would say "This is from Friend who thought about you even before you were born." or some such thing.

I've been invited to bbshowers where, on the invitation, it said "bring a pack of diapers to be entered into a raffle." type of thing.



I don't know, maybe I'm just not up on the current etiquette. Too old and set in my ways.


What do you think about adding the "bring a book" thing on the invitations?

Of course you are right, gellchom. At least for norms as they have existed for most of my life.

But I've come to recognize that times have changed. What used to be considered as rude or gauche in many cases has not only become accepted but quite often expected.

lowspark -- your entire post was very elegantly stated. I especially agree with the above.

I've attended many parties that my DDs (and friends of theirs) have hosted and when people leave, they don't walk guests to the door to say goodbye! In my day and age that was something that polite people did . . . walk with your guests to the door to say a final "thank you for coming" and goodbye. I guess that's not the norm anymore.

I will talk to my DDs about this and look more in-depth about gift wording and what is acceptable today with 30somethings. Thanks!

I usually enjoy most of the activities and games. I'd suggest not to have too too many; I have been to one or two showers where there were so many things we had to make and do and guess and write out that it got a little exhausting!  I did once win a nice coffee mug, though. 

gellchom -- YES! Thank you for reinforcing my thoughts. I know DD#1 said "Lots of games" but I think we need to be a bit picky about which games and space them out over time so that the game play is not overwhelming.


I appreciate everybody's input! Thanks!

Whoops!  I need to read more carefully. 

I usually enjoy most of the activities and games.  I'd suggest not to have too too many; I have been to one or two showers where there were so many things we had to make and do and guess and write out that it got a little exhausting!  I did once win a nice coffee mug, though. 

Maybe because I worked retail for years returning the gifts only to re purchase struck me as unethical. Lots of extra work for the employees processing the returns.

I see.  I think I once heard before that it's bad to return things to stores because it's extra work for the employees.  But I don't understand.  I assume they are paid by the hour.  So how is it "extra" work, let alone "unethical"?  Unless they are passing up commissions other clerks get while they process returns, what difference does it make whether they are processing a return, processing a sale, helping a shopper, tidying the dressing rooms or the displays, or any other task?

With all due respect to lowspark (all hail Lowspark!), I'd omit

Suzy and Tommy are registered at BabyStore.
Please consider shipping your gift directly to their home in faraway-city.
1234 Main
FarawayCity

It's not a shower.  So "your gift" feels to me kind of like a demand for a gift, or anyway a clear expectation of one.  I mean, if you're going to do that, call it a shower.

I know I am such a stickler on this, but consider that such a paragraph is not even necessary, because:

1) The guests are all going to get gifts for this baby at some point anyway, no matter what you call the party (I bet many won't even notice what it's called, and most will just think of it as "DD#1's shower" anyway no matter what you call it), so no need to risk appearing to even a few to push them to do so or to be overly anxious that someone might not get a gift if not prompted.

2) And they all know that DD#1 lives out of town, and none of them was born yesterday.  So they all know that she will have to get them home somehow and that they can order something to be shipped.  "Please consider shipping" seems like it's just a suggestion, but I think it is going to come across as just like prettied-up wording for "You do the shipping," which several people said would strike them wrong.  They will think of that on their own if that's what they want to do.  If they don't, she can pack or ship them herself; there may not be too many or too large to pack in their bags.  So all it will mean is that a few people will ask her or you for her address.  Those who order from stores where they are registered won't even need to do that.

Ordinarily I'd omit registry info, too, but that ship seems to have sailed for showers.  I think you can get away with it, especially if it's just discreetly in there somewhere.

If you do change your mind and want to serve a light lunch, my grocery store (Publix) sells oversized sub sandwiches pretty inexpensively.  They can be cut into 12 to 14 slices and contain meat, cheese, lettuce and tomato and the condiments are served separately so each person can add as much mustard and mayo as they like.

Add some chips and a potato salad from the deli and you have a nice no-fuss lunch and you don't even have to cook anything!

Gellcom, the expectant Mom does want games!