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Life in General / Re: Salad Bar Etiquette
« Last post by Lula on November 29, 2025, 07:11:44 am »Sounds perfectly normal, reasonable and courteous to me. I've probably done something similar at some point.
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42
Life in General / Salad Bar Etiquette
« Last post by jpcher on November 28, 2025, 02:45:55 pm »Recently, I ordered the salad bar from a restaurant. At the end, there was a selection of six different dressings. None of them were labeled!* One looked like a vinegar/oil infusion with spices. The second looked almost the same, but darker and thicker (maybe a balsamic dressing?) The third was clearly 1,000 island. Then there were three creamy white dressings, all looking quite similar, but I think I knew which one was Ranch. I figured the other two were Bleu cheese or Creamy Garlic.
I took a quick look around, trying to flag down a staffer, saw no one and there was a short line forming behind me. I most definitely did not want to cover my beautiful salad with yucky Bleu cheese, but thought Creamy Garlic would be nice.
I took a small dab out of one bowl of the dressing with the serving ladle, put it on my plate, returned the ladle to the bowl, switched my plate to the hand I used with the ladle, took a finger from my other hand, dipped it into the small dab and tasted it. Definitely Bleu cheese (yuk!). Did the same with the next dressing, switching my plate to the other hand (the one I used to taste). Used my non-dipped/non-tasting hand to put a small dab of dressing on my plate. Changed hands/plate to dip a finger and taste.
At no time did my finger tasting hand touch the ladle or dressing in any way. Is this an acceptable way to decide which dressing you would enjoy at a salad bar? To be honest, I looked at the vinegarette dressings and thought they might be an interesting choice but had no clue as to how they tasted.
What would you do?
I took a quick look around, trying to flag down a staffer, saw no one and there was a short line forming behind me. I most definitely did not want to cover my beautiful salad with yucky Bleu cheese, but thought Creamy Garlic would be nice.
I took a small dab out of one bowl of the dressing with the serving ladle, put it on my plate, returned the ladle to the bowl, switched my plate to the hand I used with the ladle, took a finger from my other hand, dipped it into the small dab and tasted it. Definitely Bleu cheese (yuk!). Did the same with the next dressing, switching my plate to the other hand (the one I used to taste). Used my non-dipped/non-tasting hand to put a small dab of dressing on my plate. Changed hands/plate to dip a finger and taste.
At no time did my finger tasting hand touch the ladle or dressing in any way. Is this an acceptable way to decide which dressing you would enjoy at a salad bar? To be honest, I looked at the vinegarette dressings and thought they might be an interesting choice but had no clue as to how they tasted.
What would you do?
43
Family and Children / Re: Emotional Labor
« Last post by lowspark on November 10, 2025, 12:53:53 pm »It depends.
I'm usually ok with doing this kind of task mainly because I want to have a say in what gets decided. So if I were to leave it up to others and they decided to meet at a restaurant I wasn't wild about, at a time which wasn't my preference, well, I'd have to suck it up and go along.
But if I make the plans, I can make sure that we're going to a place I'm ok with, at a time that works, etc.
On the other hand, I probably wouldn't be too thrilled about renewing fishing permits. Presumably, he's the one who fishes, he's the one who won't be able to fish if he doesn't renew, so he's the one who should mess with that.
Now... that's all said without knowing more. There may be an explicit or implicit division of labor where he does some things for me that really only benefit me, and I do the same for him in return. Or it may be a situation where one person is always saddled with what I call "secretarial duties", which both of these tasks fall into in my book.
So yeah... it depends. But most likely, this is the exact kind of task I'd rather do.
I'm usually ok with doing this kind of task mainly because I want to have a say in what gets decided. So if I were to leave it up to others and they decided to meet at a restaurant I wasn't wild about, at a time which wasn't my preference, well, I'd have to suck it up and go along.
But if I make the plans, I can make sure that we're going to a place I'm ok with, at a time that works, etc.
On the other hand, I probably wouldn't be too thrilled about renewing fishing permits. Presumably, he's the one who fishes, he's the one who won't be able to fish if he doesn't renew, so he's the one who should mess with that.
Now... that's all said without knowing more. There may be an explicit or implicit division of labor where he does some things for me that really only benefit me, and I do the same for him in return. Or it may be a situation where one person is always saddled with what I call "secretarial duties", which both of these tasks fall into in my book.
So yeah... it depends. But most likely, this is the exact kind of task I'd rather do.
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Family and Children / Re: Emotional Labor
« Last post by Aleko on November 09, 2025, 04:31:10 am »YMMV, but I would class practical household management as ‘administrative labour’. ‘Emotional labour’, to me, means stuff like remembering birthdays, phoning elderly aunts regularly, sorting out misunderstandings between family members, making sure nobody feels left out at gatherings, etc. It’s true that it’s highly likely that the person saddled with one kind tends to end up doing the other as well, but not always. Even in households where both partners take an equal share of administrative labour, the emotional labour tends to land mainly on one person’s shoulders.
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Family and Children / Re: Emotional Labor
« Last post by AvidReader on November 08, 2025, 09:25:10 pm »His nephew, he can make the arrangements compatible with what the family has going on that day.
Emotional labor is sometimes known as “mental load.” When one spouse is more or less responsible for keeping the household, kids, etc. humming (bears the mental load) and the other spouse just swans along through life with limited responsibilities.
Emotional labor is sometimes known as “mental load.” When one spouse is more or less responsible for keeping the household, kids, etc. humming (bears the mental load) and the other spouse just swans along through life with limited responsibilities.
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Family and Children / Re: Emotional Labor
« Last post by oogyda on November 08, 2025, 07:11:53 am »Absolutely not.
But it sounds like you do a lot for him so he expects you to do more for him. If he made the arrangements with his nephew, it would be a good step in learning how to be an adult.
But it sounds like you do a lot for him so he expects you to do more for him. If he made the arrangements with his nephew, it would be a good step in learning how to be an adult.
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Family and Children / Re: Emotional Labor
« Last post by jpcher on November 07, 2025, 03:24:58 pm »His nephew. They contacted him. He wants to do the get-together. So, yes, I say it's on him to make the arrangements.
P.S. I never heard of emotional labor before.
P.S. I never heard of emotional labor before.
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Family and Children / Emotional Labor
« Last post by chigger on November 07, 2025, 02:32:09 pm »Today my husband told me his nephew and wife would be in nearby city until Monday. They would like to see us. I suggested Sunday because I have a very busy day at work Saturday. Husband told me to call and set it up. I said no, they reached out to you, not me. He thinks I'm being an ****, but they did not call,text or anything with me. Question is, would you do this emotional labor for your spouse? Extra info, spouse had called earlier to please renew his fishing permits and I did do that.
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Pets / Re: Meet Merlin!
« Last post by oogyda on November 07, 2025, 05:58:09 am »Adorable. I love chocolate!!!!
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Holidays / Re: Do apples feature in traditional American Halloween?
« Last post by Aleko on November 06, 2025, 02:48:50 pm »No, that’s a new one on me! Sounds very creepy. Though I do a nice line in eyeballs: nurdle the centre out of a white pickled onion and replace it with an anchovy-stuffed olive. They’re very lifelike!