Of course you are right, gellchom. At least for norms as they have existed for most of my life.
But I've come to recognize that times have changed. What used to be considered as rude or gauche in many cases has not only become accepted but quite often expected.
1) The guests are all going to get gifts for this baby at some point anyway, no matter what you call the party (I bet many won't even notice what it's called, and most will just think of it as "DD#1's shower" anyway no matter what you call it),
Exactly! It's a shower no matter what you call it. And the invitees are going to know that. And they are going to buy gifts.
Twenty years ago, I would totally agree with you to be super careful about wording and coming across as expecting gifts, etc.
But the more time goes on, the less anyone, at least of the generations younger than I, cares about that kind of stuff.
I've gotten lots of invitations now, as I'm sure you have, that have broken etiquette rules that were firmly in place for most of my life. Many of those rules just don't matter anymore.
All this probably isn't making things easier for jpcher, but I'd advise her to get with DD#1 and hash it out. DD#1 knows what will sit well (or not) with her contemporaries, and it sounds like that will be who will make up the majority of the guest list.