Bad Manners and Brimstone

Whoops!  I need to read more carefully. 

I usually enjoy most of the activities and games.  I'd suggest not to have too too many; I have been to one or two showers where there were so many things we had to make and do and guess and write out that it got a little exhausting!  I did once win a nice coffee mug, though. 

Maybe because I worked retail for years returning the gifts only to re purchase struck me as unethical. Lots of extra work for the employees processing the returns.

I see.  I think I once heard before that it's bad to return things to stores because it's extra work for the employees.  But I don't understand.  I assume they are paid by the hour.  So how is it "extra" work, let alone "unethical"?  Unless they are passing up commissions other clerks get while they process returns, what difference does it make whether they are processing a return, processing a sale, helping a shopper, tidying the dressing rooms or the displays, or any other task?

With all due respect to lowspark (all hail Lowspark!), I'd omit

Suzy and Tommy are registered at BabyStore.
Please consider shipping your gift directly to their home in faraway-city.
1234 Main
FarawayCity

It's not a shower.  So "your gift" feels to me kind of like a demand for a gift, or anyway a clear expectation of one.  I mean, if you're going to do that, call it a shower.

I know I am such a stickler on this, but consider that such a paragraph is not even necessary, because:

1) The guests are all going to get gifts for this baby at some point anyway, no matter what you call the party (I bet many won't even notice what it's called, and most will just think of it as "DD#1's shower" anyway no matter what you call it), so no need to risk appearing to even a few to push them to do so or to be overly anxious that someone might not get a gift if not prompted.

2) And they all know that DD#1 lives out of town, and none of them was born yesterday.  So they all know that she will have to get them home somehow and that they can order something to be shipped.  "Please consider shipping" seems like it's just a suggestion, but I think it is going to come across as just like prettied-up wording for "You do the shipping," which several people said would strike them wrong.  They will think of that on their own if that's what they want to do.  If they don't, she can pack or ship them herself; there may not be too many or too large to pack in their bags.  So all it will mean is that a few people will ask her or you for her address.  Those who order from stores where they are registered won't even need to do that.

Ordinarily I'd omit registry info, too, but that ship seems to have sailed for showers.  I think you can get away with it, especially if it's just discreetly in there somewhere.

If you do change your mind and want to serve a light lunch, my grocery store (Publix) sells oversized sub sandwiches pretty inexpensively.  They can be cut into 12 to 14 slices and contain meat, cheese, lettuce and tomato and the condiments are served separately so each person can add as much mustard and mayo as they like.

Add some chips and a potato salad from the deli and you have a nice no-fuss lunch and you don't even have to cook anything!

Gellcom, the expectant Mom does want games!

I agree that 1:00 sounds like lunch.  You can move the time, but I'd look into a simple, light lunch.  You say you don't want games (I'm not crazy about them either, but I will do them if asked), and it sounds like you are at least considering not opening the gifts at the shower.  So what are you planning to do all that time?  Lunch would be an activity, as it were.  And often a meal is, surprisingly, less expensive than little pick-ups, which are labor-intensive and need a lot to seem plentiful.  You could have sandwiches or pizza or something; it doesn't need to be fancy.

Please don't ask the guests to ship the gifts.  It seems practical, because many stores/websites offer free shipping to the buyer, which she wouldn't have if she shipped them herself, but it would leave a bad impression, I fear. 

We discussed this at length on the old board, remember?

Although I have gotten used to it over the last few years, I still don't like the idea of calling a party a "shower" if you don't open the gifts (or at least display them) at the party.  That's why showers are the exception to making any indication on an invitation that gifts are expected -- because you couldn't do the gift-opening without them.  I know many people find the gift opening at showers boring, but I like it, especially when not all the gifts are from a registry that everyone saw already.  People often make or find such cute baby things; it's fun to see them.  And people who choose a gift carefully, let alone make something special, and even those who love to do creative and beautiful gift wrap, love to see your reaction and appreciation of their effort in real time. Without the gift opening, it can start to feel like trying to maximize the loot while minimizing the fuss over the givers. 

If you really don't want to open gifts, you can just call it a party or a luncheon or happy hour or whatever without using the word "shower" and without including registry info; people are all going to give baby gifts anyway, and they will know or ask how to find registry information.  They may even ship them!

Rho, I'm surprised that you were "shocked" by learning that the hostesses of a shower returned the gifts to a local branch of a store that had a branch in the bride's home, to be rebought there.  What was off-putting about it to you, Rho?  And how did you even come to find out? 

When my first daughter-in-law was in that position many years ago, the bride's mom (the hostess) was concerned about how she would get stuff home, and was considering asking people to ship and just bring a picture to the shower, but she thought  that that wouldn't be much fun.  So I suggested exactly what Rho's friends did: return the Macy's and BB&B gifts (most of them) for a credit that the bride would then use to get the identical items in her city.  Any other gifts could go in her luggage or be retrieved another time.  She loved that idea, and we tried to do it together the day after the shower -- and we got a great surprise.  Both stores said that instead of that, they would (they preferred to, in fact; maybe because then their store got credit for the sale?  Or because it was easier than restocking?) ship the gifts -- for free -- right to the bride's door.  So even much easier than the return-and-rebuy plan, and the actual item the giver purchased was the one she kept, although I can't think why that should matter to the giver.

So maybe the stores would do that for you, too, jpcher (maybe call and ask)-- but even if it doesn't, I don't see anything wrong with the return-for-credit-and-rebuy-the same-items-in-your-town idea.  (Maybe I will if Rho explains how it hit her!)  Jpcher, if you're worried others might not like it, just don't mention it; you aren't doing anything wrong.

Certainly I can't imagine it being more "off" than asking guests to ship the gifts. 

Just my two cents.  I'm sure it will be lovely and your daughter and guests will have a wonderful time.

We chose a venue! Yay!

The guest list has grown to 50 people.

Games? Any thoughts?